Where Should the Cast of Jersey Shore Party Next?

For whatever it's worth, I think Jersey Shore, for as trashy and lame its storyline is, is able to provoke nearly everyone in some way. As the most ridiculous logical extension of reality TV culture yet, it's symbolic of our pop culture, for better or worse. Whether out of schadenfreude or just plain morbid curiosity, you're fooling yourself if you haven't at least heard of the show within the past two years.

Snooki already has a book out. Apparently one of its best lines is Snooki describing "feeling like a bunch of Ellis Island immigrants stepping off the Mayflower..." So in other words, the same feeling you get the morning after you take a shot of Jager mixed with Four Loko and then chase it with a Vicodin? Followed by much fist-pumping action!

So far the show has taken its brave contestants from the decayed decadence of the Jersey Shore to the (juiced!) locales of Miami Beach. Next season will be in Italy - bring these guidos back to black out the old country, shall we?

This brings us to the question of where their next party destination should be for the following season. Time had a great run-down of possible locations:

1. Rimini, Italy:

It would be fun to send the group to Corelone, Sicily to escape the repercussions of their crazy shenanigans at Seaside Heights – aka the town Michael Corelone in The Godfather was exiled to after his restaurant shoot-em-up. But, sending an Italian with mainland heritage to stay on the island is almost equal to blasphemy.

Located near the Adriatic Sea for that must-have tanning time, Rimini’s got tons of discos to replace Karma. Oh yeah and there’s many monuments including the Tiberius Bridge and the Church of San Giuliano Martire to give them a taste of the real Italy because that’s the reason you watch Jersey Shore - for the culture.

2. Ibiza, Spain

Everyone knows that Ibiza is the party capital of Europe and, some might argue, the world. The place where fist-pumping electronic music lives and breathes, Ibiza has featured some of the world’s top techno, house and trance DJs – and hopefully soon DJ Pauly D. That mandatory Spanish siesta can only help this group to keep going strong on Ron Ron Juice into the wee hours of the morning.

Not only is Ibiza full of some of the world's largest (and douchiest) nightclubs - see, for instance, the annual 10,000 person foam party at Privilege. It is also home to world-class beaches, beautiful Mediterranean coastline, friendly locals, and my 21st birthday bender. See Facebook evidence below.

Even their graffiti is sexy

Pacha - this is an off-season off-night at one of the most famous clubs in Ibiza

 3. Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

The girls in the house, who already wear skimpy clothing that sometimes doesn’t even cover their nether regions, will feel at home in Rio De Janiero. With guidos and guidettes mingling with the local Cariocas, there will be plenty of guys around for Snooki to smush and plenty of girls Sammi to slap and punch away from Ronnie.

Isn't she beautiful?

4. Phuket, Thailand

Let’s move the (mostly) Long Island residents from one island to another and send them to Phuket. See MVP put their brawling skills against the best muay thai fighters in the world. What will The Situation make for family dinner when he only has the local fare to work with? Also, we hear it’s pretty cheap to get those, um, enhancements that JWOWW loves to show off.  

Megan, since you were in Phuket, can you confirm/deny Phuket's appeal as a Jersey Shore destination? Can the full moon parties handle Ronnie and "The Situation"?

5. Sarah Palin's Alaska?

Let’s see if the crew can survive in a place with no GTL. If they can party here, it would prove that they can party anywhere. The drinks would always stay cold – and the temperature even colder. Instead of hunting for people to take home and avoiding grenades, they’ll be hunting for meat and avoiding buckshot. Bonus: If they could combine at least one episode from these two shows, that would be classic. We’d love to hear Sarah Palin versus The Situation on foreign policy.

Other suggestions:

6. Barcelona - aside from having one of the world's most exciting nightlife scene (most bars close at 5-6, with the clubs open until 8-9am!), fantastic scenery, and beautiful people, this city has enough booze and soccer fans to satisfy the most hardcore guidos/guidettes.

7. Madrid - this city has the most bars per capita of any city in Europe, enough said.

Via: Time

IFC's Portlandia Debut - Hipster chickens, co-op love, bookstore hate, and other beautiful nuggets of Portland life

A few weeks back I wrote about the new IFC series Portlandia that pokes fun about the unique alternative and hipster subcultures of our cute small-town sister to the south.

The show stars SNL's Fred Armisen alongside former Sleater-Kinney lead singer Carrie Brownstein (remember them?). Produced by NBC's Lorne Michaels, there are many guest cameos, including Steve Buscemi (which hipster movie hasn't he been in?) and Jason Sudeikis. With the power of SNL and Portland combined....

After watching its debut episode, I was definitely entertained and in stitches (quietly, at work, I should say). The show hits right on the head every stereotype you could possibly have about the Rose City. There's the fanatical obsession with local, organic food, the feminist co-op bookstore divas, adult "hide and go seek" leagues at the public library, and the most hilarious, stifled romance I've ever seen.

The wait for this long-anticipated show is happily over. Check out the debut episode below!

The Dream of the 90s Lives on in Portland.

I should concede that although I consider myself a born-and-raised Seattleite, technically I was born in SW Portland and lived there until I was a year and a half old. Still, I am sometimes guilty of the Seattle superiority complex, if there is such a thing, a.k.a. thinking that Seattle kicks Portland's ass at any and all things important. Regardless, Portland still manages to hit the very highest echelons of hipster cachet in ways even Seattle can't match. Portland is like Seattle's free-wheeling hipster little sister, a parallel universe where Belltown, Amazon and Microsoft never happened.

This is a promo video for the new IFC series Portlandia that hits the nail right on Portland's hipster, fixied head. Do you know anyone who gets the IFC channel? Fuck, I sure don't. Is that the one that comes with the HBO package? Either way, hopefully the episodes will be streamed online somewhere - if so, I'll be sure to post the link.

 

-"People grew up wanting to be clowns. You could go to clown school!"
-"I gave up clowning years ago."
-"Well, in Portland you don't have to."